1. Start with a photo album. Flip through the appropriate pages.

2. Look for your old diary that's mysteriously gone missing.

3. Watch that special, sacred music video over and over until the tape gets trashed.

4. Watch said video once again.

It's almost absurd. Four years ago and all that stemmed from it spawned from a music video. An aesthetic. A beautiful lens. And it still consumes me as I watch it. A song made me quit school for a year. One song permanently changed my life. It had nothing to do with content, beat, rhythm, voice. It was simply the beauty, the image. Whatever I brought to that song, whatever I read into it, made me decide to change everything, to start over again. And as I listen to it, after a two year hiatus, it rushes back to me once more, soft, seductive and stinging. Oh God, my brain's gone all squishy again.

And even after finding out that 1998 was a golden moment only for me, that almost all of my friends were simply pretending to have fun, it doesn't matter. I feel secure in my delusion. It was mine, all mine.